hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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