dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
