He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
