You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
