You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
