Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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