He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
