I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
