She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i want to swaddle you in tequila
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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