people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
