Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize