:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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