She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sext me about skeletons
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
