Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
