Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
