You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
