THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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