Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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