now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know her cup size but not her name....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
