I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
