At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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