im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
