I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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