I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
