Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The ass gains better be worth it
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