You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
