JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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