Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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