Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
