I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
