Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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