nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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