am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
