I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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