the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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