I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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