my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You took a bar mat shot.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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