Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
