I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
