i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
