YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
