Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
