the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
