You don't have asthma, your pregnant
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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