If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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