Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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