Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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