I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
