DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
