people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
