I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
