I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
