Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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