Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
