Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
