Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize