I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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