I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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