this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
