my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
