He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
