Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
