you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
