Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
