i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
